He fell down eight more times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud. After they get to his house, he falls down another four times getting him to the door.   His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, “We brought your husband home”.   The wife asks, “Where’s his wheelchair?”  

‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la casa.’ ‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’

A student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer’ should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that ‘computer’ should definitely be of the feminine gender (‘la computadora’), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (‘el computador’), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

His wife thinks he’s pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. 

The doorman at the club greets them and says, ‘Hey, Bob! How ya doin?’

His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. 

‘Oh no,’ says Bob.  ‘He’s in my bowling league’.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, ‘How did she know that you drink Budweiser?’

‘I recognize her, she’s the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.’

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, ’Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?’

Bob’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book…

The cabby turns around and says,’Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.’

Bob’s funeral will be on Saturday.

At 43, quits drinking. Will power.

At 53, quits gambling. Will power.

At 63, quits having sex. Power failure.

“Why, Vlass, did you see what I saw? Did three headless cyclists just drive by?“ 

“Yes, Mykola, they did,” answers Vlass. “I think you might want to carry your scythe on another shoulder.”

ano pa

ito pa kung nahi2rapan ka Duhat..

isa na lng mrami pa !!

bananat,bayabat,ubat,santot,

Vampire 2: Oo, iyong nasipsip ko may severe anemia pala kaya nahawaan tuloy ako.

Vampire 1: E, papano iyan?

Vampire 2: Punta ako sa hospital, magpapaabono ako ng dugo.

Vampire 1: Ano ba iyong type ng dugo mo, A, B , O?

Vampire 2: Di ako sure, basta nasa A up to Z iyon.

Pedro: Pasensya na po Sir, di ko na kasi mabilang kong ilang beses na.

Husband:Honey,may ipagtatapat ako sa ‘yo.Baka kasi di na ako magtatagal.

Wife:Huwag mong sabihin iyan Darling, mabubuhay ka pa nang matagal. Ano ba iyong ipagtapat mo sa ‘kin ha.

Husband: May relasyon kami ni Mareng Auring. Buntis siya ngayon.

Wife: Ganon ba! Nurse… nurse… huwag niyo nang tulungan ang asawa ko para matuluyan na.